


The One With The East-German Laundry Detergent

by ivory_p3ach3s



Series: Finished PJO Fanfictions [3]
Category: Friends (TV), Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Episode: s01e05 the one with east german laundry detergent, Friends AU, Laundry, M/M, jercy - Freeform, naive jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9820766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivory_p3ach3s/pseuds/ivory_p3ach3s
Summary: -inspired/basically an episode of FRIENDS with the PJO characters as the cast-Eager to spend time with Jason, Percy pretends his washroom is rat-infested so he can join him at the laundromat. Meanwhile, Leo has Piper pose as his girlfriend, and Nico struggles to break up with his boyfriend.[synopsis from IMDB altered]





	

Piper rolled her eyes, draping herself over the couch.  “Would you let it go?  It’s not that big of a deal!”

Percy sat up, obviously stunned.  “Not that big a deal?  It’s amazing!  Okay, you just reach in there, there’s one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve!  Alright, as far as I’m concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close.  Am I right?”

“Come on,” Annabeth complained.  “You guys can pee standing up!”  Nico snorted and turned to face Leo.

“We can?  Alright, I’m tryin’ that.”

Leo shook his head.  “You know what blows my mind?  Women can see breasts anytime they want.  You just look down and there they are.”  Leo glanced down at his own chest for emphasis, exasperated.  “How you get any work done is beyond me.”

“Oh, okay, you know what I don’t get,” Hazel piped up, taking a sip of her coffee.  “The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.”  Everyone glanced at Hazel for a second, unable to say anything else.

“Multiple orgasms,” Percy suddenly called.

 

* * *

 

“So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day Night!”  Nico made some vague gestures, causing Leo to chuckle.

“No plans, huh?”

“Not a one.”  Nico frowned, flopping onto the chair beside Leo’s couch.

“Not even, say, breaking up with Will?”  Percy raised an eyebrow at the dark man.

“Oh, right, right, shut up.”  Nico ran a hand through his hair, rolling his eyes.

“Nico, nobody likes breaking up with someone.  You just gotta do it,” Piper said, putting a hand on his knee.

“No, I know,” Nico started, looking over at Piper.  “But, it’s just so hard, you know?  I mean, you’re sitting there with him, he has no idea what’s happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there’s the horrible awkward moment when you’ve handed him the note.”

Everyone winced.

“Why do you have to break up with him,” Leo asked.  “Be a man, just stop calling.”  Percy snorted.

“You know,” Hazel interrupted.  “If you want, I’ll do it with you.”

“Oh, thanks, but I think he’d feel like we’re ganging up on him,” Nico said, sighing.

“No, I mean, you break up with Will and I’ll break up with Frank.”  

The group turned to her, eyes widening.  “Frank,” Percy asked.  “You’re breaking up with Frank?”

“Yeah, I know, he’s sweet,” Hazel said with a certain sadness.  “But, it’s just not fun anymore, you know?  I don’t know if it’s me, or his hunger strike, or, I don’t know...”

“Does anyone want anything else,” a certain blond asked, the attention turning to him.  Percy looked over to see Jason in his uniform, suddenly grinning.

“Oh, yeah.  Last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolaty, blue kind of a cakey pie thing-” he was suddenly cut off by a dirty look from Jason.  “Nothing, just, I’m fine...”

“What’s the matter,” Hazel asked Jason.  “Why so scrunchy?”

“It’s my father,” Jason complained, sitting on the arm of the couch.  “He wants to give me a Mercedes Convertible.”

Percy wrinkled his nose.  “That guy, he...  Burns me up...”

“Yeah, well, it’s a Mercedes if I move back home...  Oh, it was horrible,” Jason whined.  “He called me _young man_.”

“Ooh, I _hate_  when my father calls me that,” Nico mocked, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, did he give you that whole, ‘you’re-not-up-to-this’ thing again?”  Piper leaned forward in her chair, frowning at Jason.

“Yeah, actually.  I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of ‘You’ll Never Make It On Your Own’.”  Jason sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, stopping to look at Hazel, who added in her rhythmic addition to Jason’s problem.

“Hi, Leo.”  The group turned to see a beautiful woman in a tight dress enter the cafe.  

“Oh no, Calypso,” Leo said, choking on his coffee when she sat down.  He stared at her, eyes bugging out as he gulped.

“Wow,” Piper started.  “Being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.”

“Are you gonna go over there,” Hazel asked, watching Leo squirm.

“No, yeah, no,” he stopped, coughing.  “Okay, but not yet.  I don’t wanna seem too eager.”  He looked at his coffee.  “One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.  That seems pretty cool.”  Leo stood up, walking over to sit on the barstool beside his ex-girlfriend.  “Hey, Calypso.”

Calypso took a swig of her drink casually, glancing over at Leo.  “Leo.”

“You look good,” he complimented.

“That’s because I’m wearing a dress that accents my boobs,” she replied bluntly, not looking at the Latino.

“You don’t say...”

* * *

 

“So, uh, Jason...  What are you, uh, what’re you doing tonight,” Percy asked casually, watching Jason wash tables.

“Oh, big glamour night,” Jason replied, rolling his eyes.  “Me and Piper at Laundorama...”

“Oh,” Percy said, brightening up.  “You uh, wanna hear a freaky coincidence?  Guess who’s doing laundry there too?”  He smiled nervously, before it dropped as Jason looked up blankly.

“Who?”

“Uh, me.  Was that not clear,” Percy asked, confused.  “Hey, why don’t, um, why don’t I just join both you, here?”

“Don’t you have a laundry room in your building,” Jason asked, glancing up with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes,” the dark haired man answered quickly.  “I do have a laundry room in my building, um, there’s a...”  He paused.  “Rat problem...?  Apparently, they’re attracted to dryer sheets and they’re goin’ in fine but, they’re comin’ out all...  Fluffy...”  He rubbed the nape of his neck.  “Anyway, say, sevenish?”

“Sure,” Jason replied with a teasing grin.

* * *

 

“Forget it, Leo,” Calypso said, turning away.  “I’m with Jake now.”

“Jake?”  Leo furrowed his eyebrows, frowning.  “Who the hell’s _Jake_?!”

“Jake is great,” Calypso bragged, turning back to Leo.  “He’s smart, he’s sophisticated, and he has a real job.  You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Jake...”  She gave him a pointed look.

“Come on,” Leo said, exasperated.  “We were great together.  And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too...”

“Yeah, sorry, Leo,” she said once more, rolling her eyes.  “You said let’s just be friends, so guess what?”

“What?”

“We’re just friends.”  Calypso began to get up before Leo caught her wrist.

“Fine, fine, so, why don’t the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight?  You know, as friends?”

“What four of us,” Calypso asked, narrowing her eyes.  Leo cast his eyes over her shoulder and saw a familiar American Indian leaving.

“You know, you and Jake, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Piper!”

* * *

 

“Pipes, I’m tellin’ you, this guy is perfect for you,” Leo said, stepping in front of his friend, who was trying to clean her apartment.

“Forget it!  Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.”  She wrinkled her nose, continuing her cleaning.

“Come on!  This guy’s great!  His name’s Jake, he’s Calypso’s...  brother.  He’s smart, he’s sophisticated, he has a real job.  Me, I go to three auditions a month and call myself an actor but, Jake is...

Piper gasped, looking out the window.  “Oh, Lord help us...”

“What,” Leo asked, walking over to the window.

“Ugly Naked Guy’s laying kitchen tile!  Ewww...”  She wrinkled her nose once more before continuing the cleaning of the apartment.

“Ew,” Leo added, shivering before following Piper.  “Look, I’m asking a favour here.  If you do this for her brother, maybe Calypso will come back to me,” he complained.

“What’s going on here,” Piper asked.  “You go out with _tons_  of girls!”

“I know,” Leo replied proudly.  “But, I made a huge mistake.  I should have never broken up with her.  Will you help me?  Please?”

* * *

 

“Okay, bye,” Percy said, hanging up the phone.  He turned to Nico.  “Well, Piper’s not coming it’s just gonna be me and Jason.”

“Oh, Well, hold on camper, are you sure you’ve thought this thing through,” Nico asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s laundry...?  The thinking through is minimal...”

“It’s just you and Jason, just the two of you?  This is a date,” Nico said with a grin.  “You’re going on a date.”

“Nuh-uh,” Percy argued, wincing.

“Yuh-huh.”

“So, what’re you saying here,” Percy asked.  “I should shave again, pick up some wine, what?”

“Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear,” Nico said, frowning at the laundry basket on Percy’s bed.  “This is basically the first time he’s gonna see your underwear- you want it to be dirty?”

Percy hesitated before shaking his head sheepishly.  “No.”

“Oh, and uh, the fabric softener,” Nico said, holding up the bottle.  He wrinkled his nose, which earned a protest from Percy.

“Ok, ok, what is wrong with my _Snuggles_?  What, it says I’m a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm fuzzy bear,” Percy said, putting on a soft smile.  Nico’s frown caused him to drop the bottle on the bed.  “Okay, I can pick something else up on the way.”

* * *

"So, what does this Jake guy look like?  Is he tall?  Short," Piper questioned, sipping her drink.

Leo hesitated before nodding.  "Yep."

"Which?"

"Which what?"

"You've never met Jake, have you?"

"No, but he's-"

"Oh my- Leo!  For all we know, this guy could be horribly..."  She trailed off, seeing Calypso and Jake walk in.  Piper can't help but notice how attractive Jake is.

"Horribly attractive.  I'll be shutting up now."

* * *

"Where are they," Nico asked, frazzled.  He was glancing out the window of the cafe, freaking out.  "Where are they?!"

"This is nice," Hazel said happily.  "We never do anything just the two of us."

"It's great," Nico replied, rolling his eyes.  "Maybe tomorrow, we can rent a car and run over some puppies."

Hazel wrinkled her nose.  "I don't wanna do that."  She looked over at the door to see Frank and Will walk in.  

"Here we go," Nico muttered, walking Will in.

"Have a good break up," Hazel whispered in his ear as Nico walked off.

"Hi, Will."

"Oh my goodness, I am so glad you called me," Will said, sitting on the couch, dropping his grocery bags on the ground.  "I had the most supremely awful day."  Nico outwardly winced.

"Hey, that's not good.  Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please," Nico asked, still cringing.

"We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, and the one with the little vegetables.  Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping..."  He started to look through his bags.  "...and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you..."

Nico glanced away from Will to see Hazel breaking up with Frank.  She talks to him for a minute before smiling and giving him a big hug.  Nico's eyes bug out of his head for a minute.  Frank walks out of the coffee shop and Nico audibly gasps.

"What?!" 

"What," Will asked, looking at Nico confused.

"Oh, uhm, what did you get me there," Nico asked, offering a nervous chuckle.

"I got you...  These," he said with a grin.  Will pulled out a pair of socks, showing them to Nico.

"Poseidon socks.  That's so sweet..."  Nico winced at the socks before giving Will an awkward hug.

"Well, I knew you had the Zeus and Hades, and so I figured, you know, you can wear the Poseidon and Poseidon, or you can wear the Zeus and Zeus, or you can wear the Hades and Hades, or, you can mix and match, storm and sea, storm and death, death and sea.  Whatever you want," Will explained with a mile.

"That's great."  Nico wore a pained smile.  The drinks soon arrive and Nico downs his espresso in one shot.  He gives Will a smile.

"Well, I'm gonna get another espresso.  Can I get you another latte?"

Will glances down at his full cup.  "No, I'm still working on mine..."

Nico sprang up, walking over to Hazel.  "That's it?"

"It was really hard," she replied, her shoulder sagging.

"Oh yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal," he mocked. 

"You weren't there!"

* * *

Jason places his basket on the laundry machine at the laundromat, taking his money to change it to quarters.  As he walks off, another man walks over and moves Jason's basket over, beginning to load his own things into Jason's machine.

"Oh, 'scuse me," Jason said, rushing back over.  "I was kinda using that machine."

"Yeah?  Well, now you're kinda not," the man replied.

"But I saved it," Jason protested.  "I put my basket on top."

"Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket," the man asked, mocking sympathy.  "It's really pretty.  Unfortunately, I don't see suds."

"What," Jason asked, obviously confused.

"No suds, no save, okay?"  

Jason went to protest before Percy walked in, carrying his own basket.  He glanced over to see Jason in distress.

"What's going on?"

"Hi, uh, nothing," Jason answered, running a hand through his hair.  "That horrible man just took my machine."

"Was your basket on top," Percy asked, tilting his head.

"Yeah, but, there were no suds."

"So?"

"Well, you know, no suds, no save..."

"No suds?  Excuse me, hold on a second."  Percy looked over Jason's shoulder to see the man loading his laundry into  _Jason's_ machine.  "Um, that's my friend's machine."

"Hey, hey, hey," the guy said.  "His stuff wasn't in it."

"Hey, hey, hey," Percy mocked, "That's not the rule and you know it."  Percy stares at the man before he finally gives up, taking his things out of the wash.

"That was amazing," Jason said, grinning at Percy.  "I can't even send back soup!"

"Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gently, uh...  Do you, uh, do you..."  Percy stopped, shaking his head.  "Oh, hey, you must need detergent."  He pulled out his box of detergent to change the subject.

"What's that," Jason laughed, looking at the box.

" _Uberveiss_ ," Percy answered, cocky grin on his lips.  "It's new, it's German, it's extra tough."

Jason laughed again and started to load his laundry.

"Uh, Jay?  You gonna separate those," Percy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jason let out a nervous chuckle.  "Oh, am I being like, a total laundry spaz?  I mean, am I supposed to like, use one machine fore shirts and the other machine for pants?"

"Jay, have you never done this before," Percy asked, a teasing grin sliding onto his face.

"Well, not myself," Jason answered, laughing a bit.  "But, I know...  Other people, who have...  Okay, you caught me, I'm a laundry virgin," he chuckled.

"Uh, well, don't worry," Percy said with a reassuring smile.  "I'll use the gentle cycle..."  He trailed off awkwardly, the tips of his ears burning.  "Okay, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole 'nother machine for your colours, and a third for your uh, delicate items...  That would be your boxers and briefs and yeah..."

Jason picks up a pair of white briefs.  "Okay, well, what about these?  Do they go with whites or delicate items?"  He raises an eyebrow and Percy moves away quickly, visibly nervous.  

"Uh, that would be a judgement call."

* * *

"He is so cute," Piper mutters in Leo's ear.  They sit at a table in a fancy restaurant, enjoying dinner.  "So, where did you guys grow up," Piper asks, still unaware that Calypso and Jake aren't siblings.

"Brooklyn Heights," Calypso answers.

"Cleveland," Jake says after.

"How- how did that happen," Piper asks, a confused smile plaster on her face.

"Oh gosh," Leo mutters.  Piper turns to look.  

"What?"

"I..."  He pauses.  "Suddenly had the feeling I was falling...  But, I'm not...  Yeah..."

Ten minutes later, Leo and Jake sit at the bar, drinking while the ladies are in the bathroom. 

"So, you and Calypso," Leo says.

"Yep, pretty much..."

"You're a lucky man," Leo adds, nodding.  "You know what I miss most about her?  That cute nibbly noise when she eats...  Like, a happy little squirrel...  Or a weasel."

"Huh," Jake shrugs.  "I never noticed..."

"Oh yeah," Leo replies, grinning.  "Listen for it..."

"Piper," Jake says, more interested in the conversation.  "Piper's great..."

"Yeah, but it's not gonna last," Leo said, faking his sadness.  "She's too much for me in bed...  Sexually."

In the bathroom, the two girls are laughing.

"I've got to tell you," Piper says, grinning.  "Jake is terrific."

"Yeah, isn't he," Calypso asks, fixing up her makeup.

"It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny and has an emotional age beyond like, eight," she laughs.  

"You know what else?  He's  _unbelievable_ in bed!"  Calypso grins and Piper freezes for a minute.

"Wow.  My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity..."

"Huh," Calypso said, suddenly nerved.  "That's...  Nice..."

* * *

"Okay," Hazel said, "You can do this.  It's like pulling off a band-aid.  Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed."  Nico winced, walking back over to Will.

"Will.  Hi, Will.  Okay, here we go.  I don't think we should go out anymore," he says quickly.  "Will."

"Alright..."  The blond stares at Nico before suddenly inhaling sharply.  "Well, there you go..."

* * *

"Okay, I know this is going to sound stupid but, I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do," Jason said proudly, holding his head high.

Percy laughed fondly.  "That does not sound stupid to me.  You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Annabeth left me?"  He was soon interrupted by the buzzer of the washer.  "Uh, oh, I'm sorry, that's all the time we have.  Next on Percy," he grinned, listening to Jason laugh as he opened the washer.  "Uh-oh."

"What uh-oh," Jason asked, trying to get the washer open.  Percy leaned on it, shaking his head.

"Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done.  It's uh, a song," he tried.  Jason rolled his eyes.

"Percy, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, nothing, Sparky," Percy said, shaking his head.  "Laundry's done."

"Come on," Jason groaned.  "Show me."

"Alright, alright...  It's just that..."  Percy opened the lid to reveal pink clothing.  "You left a red sock with all your whites and now...  Everything's kinda pink..."

"Oh, everything's pink," Jason said.  "Um..."

"Yeah, except the red sock," Percy said, laughing nervously.  "It's still red.  I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone!"

"Except it didn't," Jason said, upset.  "It happened to me...  Oh gosh, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep," he complained.  "What am I doing?  What am I doing?!  My father's right, I can't live on my own!  I can't even do my own laundry!"

* * *

"Something went wrong with Underdog," Piper laughed, uncomfortable watching as Calypso's hand went under Jake's shirt.  "And they couldn't get his head to inflate...  So, anyway, um, this head is flopping down Broadway, right and I'm just thinking-" she stops, eyes widening.  "How inappropriate this is.  Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Leo, could we check it in the light, please?"

Piper stood straight up, pulling Leo along with her.

"Oh my- why?!"

"What," Leo asked, cocking his head.

"Hello!  Were we at the same table?  It's like...  Cocktails in Appalachia," Piper squealed, glancing over at Calypso and Jake, giggling and touching.

"Come on," Leo said, rolling his eyes.  "They're close."

"Close?!  She's got her tongue in his ear!"

"Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Percy," Leo teased.

"Leo, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it's-" she stopped, giving Leo a pointed look.  "Not really true, is it?"

"Well, who's to say what's true," Leo asked, grinning.

"What were you thinking?!"  She smacked the back of his head.

"Alright, look, I'm not proud of this, okay?  Well, maybe a little."

She smacks the back of his head again.  "I'm leaving."

"Wait, wait, wait," Leo said, pulling her back.  "You want him, I want her.  He likes you."  Piper's attention suddenly turns to Leo.

"Really...?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up," Leo whispers, grinning.

* * *

After at least fifteen cups of espresso, Nico is fairly wired.  He continues to walk and gesture, trying to explain to Will why they're breaking up.

"Here's the thing, Will.  You know, I mean, it's like we're different.  I'm the bing bing bing, you're the boom, boom," he goes to gesture, smacking Will in the eye.  "BOOM.  Oh gah- I'm so sorry!  Are you okay?"  Nico steps forward but Will holds up a hand.

"It's my lens, I'll be back."

Nico turns to Hazel as Will leaves to the bathroom.  "I hit him in the eye!  I hit him in the eye!  This is the worst break-up in the history of the  _world_!!"

Hazel's eyes widen as Nico chugs another espresson.  "how many of those have you had?!"

"Oh, I don't know, a million," Nico replies sarcastically.

"Nico, easy, easy, go to your happy place."

"I'm fine," Nico snaps.  Hazel nods as Will comes back from the bathroom.  "She's back.  I'm not fine."

"Wait here," Hazel orders.  "Breathe."  She walks over to Will, talking to him before hugging him.  Will smiles, waving at Nico as he leaves.

"How the hell do you do that," Nico askes, bewildered.

"It's like a gift!"

"We should always always break up together."

"Oh, I'd like that."

* * *

"You got the clothes clean," Percy says, sorting the laundry.  "Now that's the important part."

Jason sighs.  "Oh, I guess...  Except everything looks like jammies now."  

Percy silently snickered, grabbing cart, just to have it taken by the same man from before.

"Um, excuse me," Jason says, grabbing the other end of the cart.  "We had this cart."

"Well, my wife had a 24-inch waist.  You lose things," he snapped.  "Now get out of my way."

Jason looks at Percy, who motions to get the cart back.  Snarling, Jason tugs it towards him.  "I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear.  This is  _our_ cart."

"Hey, hey, hey, there aren't any clothes in it," the man argues.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jason mocks.  "Quit making up rules!"  They struggle for the cart before Jason finally stands up and sits in the basket of it.

"Alright, listen,  _sir_ , if you want this cart, you're going to have to take me with it!"  The man growls but grumbles and walks off, leaving Jason and Percy cheering.

"Did you see that," Jason asks, kneeling in the cart. 

"You were incredible!  Brand new man, ladies and gentleman."

Jason grins.  "I could  _not_ have done this without you," he says, pulling Percy down by the collar.  He presses his lips to the green eyed man, kissing him for a bit longer than needed before a shocked Percy stands up, dazed.

"Okay, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer?"  Percy turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door, falling to the floor.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Percy mutters.

"You sure?"

"No."

* * *

The entire crew could finally rest, all sitting in the cafe.  Percy sighed, holding an icepack to his head.

"Are you sure you're okay," Jason asked, frowning.

"Yeah..."

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yeah..."

Hazel giggled, going through Jason's pink clothes.  "What a neat idea.  All your clothes match.  I'm gonna do this."

"Hi," Piper said suddenly, entering with Leo.

"How'd it go," Hazel asked, pulling one of Jason's sweaters over her head.

"Excellent," Leo answered, grinning.

"We ripped that couple apart and kept the pieces for ourselves," Piper explained, giving Leo a high five.

"What a beautiful story," Percy muttered.  "I'm fine, by the way."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Piper said, patting Percy's head half-heartedly.

"Where's Nico," Jason asked, looking around.  Hazel shrugged.

"Needed time to grieve."

"I'm free," Nico shouted, running past the cafe window.

"That oughta do it."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, I only said it was Jercy because there's a lot of tension in this episode and I wanted to translate that to Jercy tension in a fanfic. :D Hope you enjoyed it!


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